I mentioned in a previous post that in the upcoming weeks
and months one year anniversaries will begin to pass by. Since the last year (or
so) has been a blur, I’ll be using these one-year markers to remember those moments
– joyful and painful. I just want to put into words the memories and feelings
those days possessed in order to remember and
to share. Since beginning our infertility journey, it’s been
incredibly important to me to share these moments – good or bad – in hopes that
it could possibly be a small light for those in similar situations seeking some
level of comfort in uncomfortable situations. I’ll be the first to tell you,
when I need information, I hit the World Wide Web. So I pray that these posts
will reach women, men, or families that need it.
So here we are.
One year ago, on August 12, 2014.
Last year on this day Chris and I walked into our fertility
clinic and were placed in a small room with an exam bed and an ultrasound
machine. I found out I was pregnant two weeks prior via a blood test. My blood work suggested a successful
pregnancy with numbers increasing appropriately. Today was the day we would
finally (finally!) get to see the
life inside of me.
In the past two weeks we had briefly discussed and guessed how
many babies we could possibly be expecting. Ultrasounds prior to our IUI showed
I had three mature eggs. So we knew it was possible that there could be three
babies. Or there could be one. Or two. Or even six if all three released, fertilized,
and multiplied (whoa!) - as multiples do run in my family.
But it didn’t matter. God was in control and how ever many
were in there would be a blessing and a gift.
In the forefront of my mind, I felt like there was one. Deep
in a tiny, quiet and calm part of my heart, I knew there would be two. I knew. God had been preparing me for
two. I could not deny that and it was an indescribable deep-in-my-gut-feeling. But no matter what I felt or thought, the answer to our question
of how many (a question only those who go through fertility treatment are
thinking at the first ultrasound) was going to be answered in a matter of minutes.
I was sitting on the exam bed. Chris was holding my left
hand and my right hand was keeping the paper sheet in place that covered my
lower body. It didn’t take long and in walked our nurse practitioner and the
sonographer.
It felt like a matter of seconds that I was lying on the
exam table and anxiously looking at the ultrasound screen. Before I could even
cock my head to look at the screen straight on, before I could even make sense
of the black and gray images constantly changing shape, before I could even
take a deep breath in preparation for the news I was about to hear, I heard the words, “So
how do y’all feel about two?”
“What? There are two? Twins?”
“Yes, there are two. You’re having twins! Congratulations!”
It was like confetti was flying across the room and a loud
applause began. I wanted to shout in excitement! Scream! Cry! Jump! Do cartwheels! It was the #BestNewsEver
We squeezed each other’s hands. We exchanged a look that I
won’t even attempt to describe. Chris leaned down to give me a kiss. I had
faint tears in my eyes for the pure joy of the entire situation. I was really pregnant. It was no longer an hCG
number or a double line. I saw my baby. I could see BOTH of my babies. I’d finally reached a point in my life that I
had desired so badly. I was pregnant.
Really pregnant. And there was proof on the screen. Nine beautiful months lied ahead.
Life could not get better.
The NP went on to show us baby A and baby B in detail. I was
five weeks and two days along. Baby B already had a heartbeat and we got to
stare and gawk at the most beautiful and miraculous flicker. Baby A did not
have a heart beat yet, but our NP assured us that the baby implanted after baby
B and she was confident that A would have a heart beat next week. We trusted
her. And sure enough, the following week both babies had strong heart beats in
the 140’s.
We spent the rest of that day basking in the fact that we
were expecting twins in the Spring of 2015. That our lives would inevitably be flipped
upside down in a matter of nine months – but in the best way imaginable. Life
was unfolding into something amazing and it was just getting started. We called
our parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, and close friends.
That night we went to bed with smiles on our faces – we were
glowing from the day’s joyous news.
Praising God for the two lives growing inside of me. Hands down, the
best day of our lives.
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