Letters for Our Twins // No. 001

I wrote this letter to our twins while laying in bed the night before our gender ultrasound. I planned to post it that morning, but didn't get around to it. Then, two days later we found ourselves in the hospital with a long road ahead of us. I recently found it as a draft and wanted to share it. As I mentioned below, I had plans of writing them multiple letters, and I may write them additional letters on here, but my weekly updates are covering most everything that's going on week to week.

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10/28/14
9:16 p.m.

Dear babies,

I had intentions of writing you notes since the day we found out I was pregnant. I wanted to capture and document all the wonderful feelings going through my mind from the time we found out about you up until the point where we get to hold you, but one of the many lessons I have the privilege of teaching you in this lifetime is that it's better late than never. So here I am, finally starting to write to you.

You two are about 16w4d - give or take - and I'm a couple weeks into my second trimester. Baby A, in the beginning of the pregnancy, you were almost a week behind baby B - in fact, you didn't even have a heartbeat at our very first ultrasound, but our nurse practitioner ensured us that you were fine and would have one the following week. And you did! You've actually complete caught up with your sister! In our recent doctor's visits, you've both been within a day or two of each other and we couldn't be happier!

I'm writing to you tonight because tomorrow is a special day and I want you to know what I'm going to be thinking about all night while I try to fall asleep. If you two cooperate, we will hopefully find out if you are two little girls, two little boys, or a little girl and little boy. And we cannot wait! I'm thinking in the morning I may eat a sugary breakfast to get you two moving about. Well, mostly just you, baby A. Baby B, you are our little acrobat; we've had a lot of ultrasounds since receiving the good news and without fail, you are wiggling, twisting, and flipping. Always! Baby A, you're our docile, laid back child (like your mommy). Every now and then we see you wiggle those arms (I think we even have a picture of you waving at us), but you're usually comfy and cozy just laying on your back, all curled up. So hopefully some sugar will get you moving!

Since learning and sharing the good news that we are expecting twins, we've had countless people ask the same question… "What do you want the babies to be?" Our answer is always the same. We. Don't. Care. We are so thrilled and thankful to have you two growing in my belly - our only prayer and hope is that you two are healthy. And that's what we tell everyone. That's always our answer.

I've heard that mothers often just know what they are having - they have this maternal instinct that tells them. Well that may be true for singletons - or maybe it's true for most women and even those having multiples, but I don't know. Well, I do. But not the way that other mothers just know. I'll get to that in a minute.

I haven't paid too much attention to any Old Wives Tales because those are centered around singletons as well. I do know that at almost 17 weeks I'm still nauseous and that since finding out I was pregnant, my face has been breaking out like a teenager entering into puberty. I haven't had any cravings. It's  been quite the opposite - in the first trimester I wanted nothing to do with sweets (which, you will learn, is not like your mommy at all!). Don't worry though, my sweet tooth is back - I've actually been drinking a lot of sweet tea (which I haven't done in years) - I even made some not long ago. And it was delicious! I'm sure y'all enjoyed it too! So I've had pregnancy symptoms that are kind of all over the place. None indicating one thing or the other - only that I have a ton of extra hormones running though this body of mine!

I will say that about two years ago I started having a feeling that one day I would have twin girls. It was an out of the blue feeling. It seemed like every time I turned around, I saw twin girls. It felt as though God was bombarding me with the idea of twins girls so that it would become a normal thought of mine - one day I will have twin girls. And after a while, I believed knew it. At an earlier part of my life, I wasn't very keen on the idea of twins - and I usually pictured myself with boys. Lots of little boys. So if I feel anything at all… it would be twin girls. In fact, I know you are twin girls, but very few people know that - just your daddy and my best friend, Jessica. Your daddy and I talk about it quite a bit. I'll share with you in a separate letter a little more detail about all this.

No matter what that ultrasound shows tomorrow, our hearts will be full! We are overflowing with excitement! Not that this pregnancy doesnt seem real, because it is very real, but I feel like once we know what you are, things will become very real, very fast. I'll start registering, buying you little things here and here, and begin planning a nursery. Up until this point you've both been baby A and baby B - and I've loved it. After tomorrow you will have a more distinct identity. And soon after that you will have names. Names!

I'm so happy to finally sit down and write to you. Here's to many more letters!

Love you so much already,
Mommy