Finding Out the Baby's Sex

During my first pregnancy, shortly after finding out we were having twins, Chris voiced that he did not want to find out the sex of the twins. Well, he quickly lost that battle. There was no way I could go an entire pregnancy with TWINS and not know what they were. There were too many possible combinations and with a nursery and registry that needed to be completed, I had to know! 

So when this second pregnancy rolled around Chris, again, voiced that he didn't want to know the sex. I knew this was coming, but since it was a singleton and we already have some of the basic baby things, I decided I could wait. 

As the weeks have passed by, I've warmed up more and more to the idea of not finding out the sex. It's fun to know during the pregnancy (you know, so we can snag cute baby clothes and pick out a name), but to find out in the moment of delivery sounds so thrilling and wonderful. We're in our 30's and there aren't many surprises left in this life. This is not only the ultimate gift, but the ultimate surprise. Just imagining that as the baby cries for the first time, which is such a glorious moment in and of itself, but to also hear the words It's a ___ just adds a whole new depth to the joy of that moment. 

I'm one day away from 23 weeks - a tremendous milestone in this pregnancy and yesterday I had my last cervical length ultrasound. The night prior I was telling Chris that it would probably be the last ultrasound for a while - which makes me really sad. Having a complicated pregnancy is never desired, but if there is a benefit, it's that you get to see your baby A LOT! I've been spoiled when it comes to ultrasounds. When I was pregnant the first time I had weekly ultrasounds up to 12 weeks just because I was going to an infertility doctor. Then when I went on bed rest I had ultrasounds every other day. This pregnancy, because of the cervical length checks, I've had ultrasounds every other week. So the idea of going three, four, five weeks or more without seeing the baby is just weird. 

So in our conversation that night, after talking about it being the last ultrasound for a while, I got an I'm about to say something unexpected look across the room from Chris. Then, out of nowhere he says… 

I think I want to know what the baby is. 

WHAT?!?!

Complete shock over here. 

The anticipation is getting to him and he's not sure how much longer he can wait. Which I should have seen coming since the boy can't keep secrets. I mean if he buys me a Christmas gift before Christmas, he's going to give it to me the day he buys it. He can't handle the anticipation! He still wants to wait, but it's just getting harder! 

Although, I've completely given into NOT knowing (*cough* Chris's idea) and I've romanticized the delivery and the announcement of the baby's gender immediately after birth, I love how excited he is! This has obviously been on his mind and he's now starting to give in. Either way, whether we find out before or after the birth, it's the most exciting thing ever. It will be thrilling no matter when we find out! 

So at my appointment yesterday I took an envelope and a card that I made above. My ultrasonographer took pictures of the baby's gender, put it in our card, and sealed it up! If it becomes too much for Chris to handle, we will open the card - if he can pull it together and wait it out, we will wait! 

In the meantime, I still have no clue or feeling as to what this baby is. The hardest part about not knowing is trying not to refer to the baby as "it". I try to say "the baby" most times. In my mind I generally refer to the baby as he, but I've also referred to the baby as she. I've only had one dream about the gender and it was a boy. However, when I was pregnant with the girls, I would dream about twin boys or boy/girls twins, but never twin girls. So it's all very confusing. All I know for sure about this baby is that he/she is growing strong and perfectly and is staying put! 

One Year Later: Finding Out We Were Having Twins

I mentioned in a previous post that in the upcoming weeks and months one year anniversaries will begin to pass by. Since the last year (or so) has been a blur, I’ll be using these one-year markers to remember those moments – joyful and painful. I just want to put into words the memories and feelings those days possessed in order to remember and to share. Since beginning our infertility journey, it’s been incredibly important to me to share these moments – good or bad – in hopes that it could possibly be a small light for those in similar situations seeking some level of comfort in uncomfortable situations. I’ll be the first to tell you, when I need information, I hit the World Wide Web. So I pray that these posts will reach women, men, or families that need it.

So here we are.

One year ago, on August 12, 2014.

Last year on this day Chris and I walked into our fertility clinic and were placed in a small room with an exam bed and an ultrasound machine. I found out I was pregnant two weeks prior via a blood test. My blood work suggested a successful pregnancy with numbers increasing appropriately. Today was the day we would finally (finally!) get to see the life inside of me.

In the past two weeks we had briefly discussed and guessed how many babies we could possibly be expecting. Ultrasounds prior to our IUI showed I had three mature eggs. So we knew it was possible that there could be three babies. Or there could be one. Or two. Or even six if all three released, fertilized, and multiplied (whoa!) - as multiples do run in my family.

But it didn’t matter. God was in control and how ever many were in there would be a blessing and a gift.

In the forefront of my mind, I felt like there was one. Deep in a tiny, quiet and calm part of my heart, I knew there would be two. I knew. God had been preparing me for two. I could not deny that and it was an indescribable deep-in-my-gut-feeling. But no matter what I felt or thought, the answer to our question of how many (a question only those who go through fertility treatment are thinking at the first ultrasound) was going to be answered in a matter of minutes.

I was sitting on the exam bed. Chris was holding my left hand and my right hand was keeping the paper sheet in place that covered my lower body. It didn’t take long and in walked our nurse practitioner and the sonographer.

It felt like a matter of seconds that I was lying on the exam table and anxiously looking at the ultrasound screen. Before I could even cock my head to look at the screen straight on, before I could even make sense of the black and gray images constantly changing shape, before I could even take a deep breath in preparation for the news I was about to hear, I heard the words, “So how do y’all feel about two?”

“What? There are two? Twins?”

“Yes, there are two. You’re having twins! Congratulations!”

It was like confetti was flying across the room and a loud applause began. I wanted to shout in excitement! Scream! Cry! Jump! Do cartwheels! It was the #BestNewsEver

We squeezed each other’s hands. We exchanged a look that I won’t even attempt to describe. Chris leaned down to give me a kiss. I had faint tears in my eyes for the pure joy of the entire situation. I was really pregnant. It was no longer an hCG number or a double line. I saw my baby. I could see BOTH of my babies. I’d finally reached a point in my life that I had desired so badly. I was pregnant. Really pregnant. And there was proof on the screen. Nine beautiful months lied ahead. Life could not get better.

The NP went on to show us baby A and baby B in detail. I was five weeks and two days along. Baby B already had a heartbeat and we got to stare and gawk at the most beautiful and miraculous flicker. Baby A did not have a heart beat yet, but our NP assured us that the baby implanted after baby B and she was confident that A would have a heart beat next week. We trusted her. And sure enough, the following week both babies had strong heart beats in the 140’s.

We spent the rest of that day basking in the fact that we were expecting twins in the Spring of 2015. That our lives would inevitably be flipped upside down in a matter of nine months – but in the best way imaginable. Life was unfolding into something amazing and it was just getting started. We called our parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, and close friends.

That night we went to bed with smiles on our faces – we were glowing from the day’s joyous news.  Praising God for the two lives growing inside of me. Hands down, the best day of our lives.

A Year Later

A lot of days, and sometimes even weeks, seem to pass by at an unimaginably slow pace. It's like crawling through deep mud with no end in sight. Then, one morning, you wake up and an entire year has passed. My mother and grandmother both warned me of this: the older you get, the faster time flies. Not a literal truth, but the true none the less. And here we are. A year later.

A year ago today we found out I was pregnant. 

It was two weeks following our second IUI. Our second IUI last year was on our fourth wedding anniversary, July 17. We conceived on our anniversary. A beautiful thing to celebrate moving forward with each passing year. We obviously didn't know it at the time, but confirmed it after the fact.

I actually took a home pregnancy test before my blood work appointment that morning at 7a.m. and it was positive. The strongest positive I'd ever seen. I knew that it was possible for the test to be a false positive since I'd given myself a hCG injection several days prior, but I also calculated the half-life of my does and determined that it was unlikely that this was a false positive. But still possible. So I was hesitant to start the celebration.

On the drive to my doctor's office I felt happy. I had that feel-good feeling that only comes around when intuitively you know something great is about to unfold. I stopped by to get my favorite coffee drink before heading over to Montgomery. I went to my doctor's office, had the blood drawn, and then went about my work day. At the time I was doing home health, so I was in my car a lot during the work day. I remember it being a beautiful, sunny day. I rolled back the sunroof and listened to K-Love a little bit louder than usual. I just felt great. I knew.

Later that afternoon, around 3:30p.m. I received a phone call. It was a Birmingham number so I knew it was my doctor's office. This was it. All I needed to be considered pregnant was a hCG higher than 25. Mine was in the 70s. You're pregnant!, she said.

I feel it is a bit of a cliche to describe that day and actually hearing the words, you're pregnant, as surreal. But it was surreal. There's no other way of describing it.

Becoming pregnant a year ago closed our chapter of infertility. Perhaps once day that chapter will be reopened. Perhaps never again. I don't know. I don't even think of that possibility yet. I can't even consider doing all of this again. But becoming pregnant a year ago opened up a new chapter as well. A chapter that - in my mind-  had nothing but positive, joyful expectations. A beautiful, flawless story to share years from now.

The one year anniversary of our pregnancy rolling around means that in the upcoming weeks and months a lot of other one year anniversaries will be rolling around. Some that will put a smile on my face and others that will elicit tears and stir up emotions I wish to forget. But this is our story and our journey. I wouldn't have chosen it for myself, but I try to never question the plans God lays out for our life.

So I choose to embrace our beautiful storm.