Technically I'm only covering five months, but I covered seven last post. So it's all good.
First Six Months of Trying
Second Six Months of Trying
December ended up being incredibly refreshing. We were't worry about taking medication, charting temperatures, OPKs, or perfectly timing baby dancing - there was no stress. We enjoyed it so much (and forgot how great it felt) we decided to take off one more month. Then we'd get back at it.
As mentioned previously, after you spend a while trying to conceive you become very aware of your body. About a week or so after I ovulated during this second month "off of trying" I noticed some menstral-like cramps. A few days later I began to notice light, quick cramping.
I tried not to read too into it just because I had made the mistake in previous months dissecting every little thing that was going on with my body and convincing myself it was different this time and I was possibly pregnant.
A few days later I noticed, out of nowhere, I had three ulcers in my mouth on the inside of my cheeks. I never get ulcers. Ever. So why would I all of a sudden have three? I immediately Googled oral ulcers early pregnancy. Some websites said they were possible due to your body's drop in immunity defense and other websites suggested poor hygiene (like I was a disgusting slob or something). I chose to go with the former. Give the unusual ulcers, random cramping, and some exaggerated PMS symptoms, I was slowly convincing myself I should take a test; however, I was still a few days out from when I would start my next cycle.
A couple days passed and I decided to test.
I didn't tell Chris because I was expecting it to be like every other past month. Negative. However, this time... there was a line. And unlike last April, there was no need for squinting or perfect lighting. There was a very faint, but obvious line staring back at me.
I'd been praying, hoping, wanting for so long. I could not believe it was finally our time.
I still didn't tell Chris. I waited and tested again the next morning. It was slightly darker.
It was a Saturday morning. I'd already tested before Chris was awake. Later that morning we were both sitting on the couch eating breakfast (yeah, that's how we roll on a Saturday morning - pajamas and all). I told him I had a positive test. I told him it was early. I told him I still wasn't past due for my next cycle, but there was definitely a positive pregnancy test sitting on the bathroom counter.
I watched a beautiful smile come across his face. I also saw the same reservations I was feeling. We both knew it was early, but we both also wanted to jump in the air. We decided to stay calm and see what tomorrow brings.
Tomorrow brought another positive test. No real change in the color of the test line, but still positive.
Then. Monday brought on fear. The line was lighter. And I knew. I hadn't had any pain indicating a miscarriage like last April, but I still knew. You just know.
I called my OB/GYN. Told the nurse we'd had a few days of positive tests, but today was lighter. I went in for blood work that afternoon. The following day I received a phone call confirming a miscarriage. The numbers were bad. HCG was 6 and progesterone was 1.4. And a few days later a new cycle began.
And just like that it was all over. Again. Emptiness.
My doctor encouraged us to avoid trying this cycle because my uterine lining needed a cycle to build back up. We also discussed that next time we will proceed with Clomid again and schedule an IUI.
We got through the cycle following my early miscarriage - it was 44 days long. Forty four days!
I finally started a new cycle. I did another round of Clomid days 3-7 and began doing OPKs on day 9. Because we were going to do an IUI, I decided to buy two different OPKs for variety and multiple testings each day.
Well, it didn't really work out as planned. Either one or both OPKs showed a positive from day 9-15. It was absurd and confusing. How am I supposed to pin-point ovulation when I'm getting positive OPKs for a week?
I called my OB on day cycle day 11 and told the RN that I was getting positives every day. She said it was too early, it must be a false positive, and to just keep testing. So I kept testing. Kept getting positives. I felt overwhelmed and confused. I had no clue if I already had or if I was about to ovulate. I didn't want to guess when I was ovulating and do an IUI at the incorrect time - they aren't free, ya know. I finally decided this month was a bust. Again.
This was our second planned IUI that just didn't work out.
Despite covering our bases, nothing happened this month. 30 day cycle.
We decided it was time to time to move on - no, not give up - it was time to see a specialist.
I love my OB/GYN and the aggressiveness she showed when I initially voiced concerns for infertility; however, I was becoming more and more concerned with the possibility of different things that could be wrong given both our inability to conceive and multiple miscarriages. I just felt like we were at the point where more testing, more digging needed to be done.
The previous month God put a new friend in my life - a friend that was also battling infertility and she shared with me a group that she was seeing and really voiced a love for this program.
I went to their website, looked at their Facebook page, and read as many reviews as possible. I never came across anything negative and decided we'd try them out. I scheduled our first visit with a specialist for May 6th.
We aren't even half way into May, so there isn't too much to say for this month thus far. I will say we had our visit with the fertility specialist last week and it was a blessing. A weight lifted. We received so much information, we had so much testing completed, and we have a plan for my upcoming cycle.
We are ecstatic!
I'll soon be posting all about our initial visit with a fertility specialist.